Got My Ass Squeezed By Sexy Cupid

Love means giving someone your heart and the map of where to cut you the deepest, where it will hurt the most. And you hope to the Gods that they wont do it. And when they do cut your heart open, it hurts so badly that there aren't words to describe it and you can't even fathom what you ever did, in loving them, that it caused them to do it. Then those that have left you with the greatest scars, those that tell you that you have disappointed them or that make you feel as if you have.....they then tell you how much they care for you and somehow....that only cuts deeper.

It is when those that are closest to us do the hurting that our pain is the most excruciating. I always felt like a pet. Like a pet that no matter how hard I tried to do everything I could to make everyone happy, I was never good enough. In the arms of the one I love, I do not feel that way. Sometimes I want to curl up in his arms and stay there forever, rather than face the world where I disappoint everyone in my life. There is the only place that I feel safe and loved.

Love means needing to be with someone at your best, at your worst, and all the spaces in between. And at theirs. You don't want to spend a moment without them and yet you are so afraid that you'll scare them away that at times you feel over clingy and at others you feel too distant. When they love you back, they want to be with you just as much. But when you're insecure, you don't trust that as well as you should, though likely will come to if given time.

It is the damage of the past that leaves us with the scars that hinder us in the future. Past relationships, past encounters, past dealings, past friendships, past human-type creatures influence how we are with new human-type creatures. Just because the first one left, doesn't mean they all will. Just because LoserA cheated, doesn't mean Potentially-A-LoserB will. Just because BFF5 left you for a new friend, doesn't mean BFF26 will do the same, though if you're on BFF26, there could be a trend here in the people you are choosing.

Love means wanting them to be happy even when that doesn't include being with you, means caring more about their welfare than your own. That means being willing to take a bullet for them, hurtling metal or figurative. It means wishing them well with someone else even when in your heart, you're hurting so badly, you want to tear the damned blood-pumping organ out of your chest. It means standing by and staying close and being a friend when in the deepest crevices of your dying soul, all you want to be is their everything, as they are yours. It means more than being willing to walk through Tartarus to bring them water. It means begging Hades to trade their soul for yours.

"You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."



"Like everybody who is not in love, he thought one chose the person to be loved after endless deliberations and on the basis of particular qualities or advantages."

"Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires."

"I believe in the compelling power of love. I do not understand it. I believe it to be the most fragrant blossom of all this thorny existence."

"In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two."

Love means more than just wanting to tell someone you love them or even telling them what is in your heart. It means trying again and again to explain the depth of those feelings even when you don't know how and reminding them how much you love them regularly because you always love them. It means loving them all the time, not just sometimes. It means loving them through everything, means loving them when you're fighting, and kissing them when an argument is over.



"Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible - it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could."
 
"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."
 
"Love is the joy of the good, the wonder of the wise, the amazement of the Gods."

"Love is the magician that pulls man out of his own hat."
 
"Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place."
 
"Love that is not madness is not love."

Put Away the Vacuum

   Life is one big mess. We're all individual messes. Everything's just plain messy. Nothing's ever simple. Some things are just less complicated than others. We just make things simple. We put them into simple terms and make it all black and white. Simplicity doesn't really exist. Everything is a jumbled mess of emotions and choices and decisions and words and people and things. Some things are covered in dust, others are in disrepair. Your relationship may be a leaky faucet. Your home life may be an old blue van with a busted out window and a really low tire in the back. Or your life could be a happy mess. Messy isn't necessarily a bad thing. Messy can be a good thing. At some point in my messy-as-all-Hell life, the scale tipped from bad messy to better messy and then there was some weird sparkly powder thrown over everything that smells of some mythical substance called....hippieness....hiperness....Happiness! That's it. Sometimes, when you're busy digging through piles of crap and drama and chaos, happiness, or whatever it's called, sneaks up and bites you in the ass. Yay for being bitten in the ass by Cupid or fairies or whatever the hell it is that spreads love and happy feelings. I bet it's Luna Lovegood. If you get bitten in the ass by Luna Lovegood, lovey good things will happen to you. Bad joke? Yes. But you probably laughed anyway.