Pretty Sure These Are the Psychotic Droids You're Looking For

   There comes a point where you find yourself in the most interesting position in life, a special gray area that leaves you confused and spinning out of control. There's an animal inside that is interpreting that overflow of emotion as a damn good excuse to scream and fight and snarl and drink and break things. You turn the music up higher and let Nickelback and Metallica help you think violent thoughts, entertain lusty ideas and contemplate causing massive destruction. That filter in your brain that normally tells you when to shut the hell up just poofs off to Useless Land, along with all your sense and ability to function. All that control you've painstakingly trained yourself to have dives out the nearest window like Tom chasing Jerry around a really tall cartoon building. It hovers there for a second and waves at you then falls. Fast. And hits the ground. Hard. But unlike Tom, it doesn't pop back up good as new. It's in millions of little pieces. And while you're sitting there, trying desperately to form them back together into something that vaguely resembles it's previous shaping and hopefully, ability to function, all that excessive emotion turns into a tidal wave that picks you up and flings you half way across the world and so far back in time that you can barely stand up when you finally crash into unfamiliar ground. Knights of old are slashing at you, while their horses trample you. All the fight in you comes out as some kind of a mask you wear to hide away everything else and you kick some imaginary ass. When you finally claw your way back to your own familiar Hell on Earth in your own time and place, you're so exhausted and angry at your ineffectual will and strength that you just get pissed and volatile and dangerous. You're growling at everyone and doing stupid self-endangering shit you shouldn't do because when you're like this, the only thing that helps is chaos and fury and pain and passion and lust and that damned vicious and cocky attitude where you remind everyone else that you're a wolf and not a golden retriever. You can go from a sad lethargy to a frightening bloodlust in a tenth of a second and have some idiot on the floor at your feet before either of you know what's happened. You can jump to self-destructive behavior so fast it almost makes you look cool. There are so many emotions beating at your insides with little baseball bats, hammers and axes that you don't even bother trying to seperate them out and put them all in corners for time outs. It's a whole new way to go with the fucked up flow of Life, the biggest bitch you'll ever meet. She knows how to put someone through Hell and much as you want to feel like you're the match she never anticipated, you're not. She'll win in the end. But you want to drag it out and feel like you're putting up a good fight. Give her time and she'll find that one weakness that'll break you. That one thing that won't just break you. That one thing that'll break you, put you back together, break you again, and keep the cycle going. That one thing that no matter how many times it breaks you, you know you'd die without it. The one thing that you want more than anything else in the whole damn world but that can never be yours. That thing that you would die for and that one that you live for. She'll set that one thing in front of you and make you watch it be someone else's everything. When you find yourself in this interesting little gray area, there are really two options. You could walk back into the black and white area, but chances are that there's no way in Hell you're going to make it back because every step you take away from the gray area, it gets harder and harder to breathe. Or, you try to head for the super bright happy color area. But the faster you run, the further it moves away from you, or is it that just you being so scared that it will vanish that you have no idea you're only two feet from it and just aren't moving? Who the hell knows? Third option. You can just go with it and sit down in your gray area and wait for another tidal wave to carry your ass to new and interesting places.

Aveti Grija de Musca de la Ea-lup

The Wolf and The Woman




Turn the wheel and wreck the car.

Squeeze too tight and stop the heart.

Jump too soon and fall too far.

Wait too long and you’ll fly apart.



Crash and burn, it’s bound to be.

Break and bleed, til the world screams.

Watch the room shake around me.

Take my pain to my dreams.



Listen to her howl for release from her prison.

Violence will return her to sleep.

She hunts among the flock of treason.

But she never worries how many are the sheep.



Walk into the barrel of the gun,

Demand that She take the shot.

It would be foolish to run,

But love has nothing to do with thought.



Pick up the pieces and put them away.

Toss the key into the river and hope it sinks.

Still She unlocks the cage day after day.

There’s too much emotion; neither of us thinks.



Walk off the edge and hit the floor.

Need too much and the soul follows.

Love enough and you’ll just want more.

She picks up the bottle and swallows.